


The Divide Between Adults

by CoveredinLemons



Series: The Everlasting Love of Three [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Character Death, Dubious Morality, Feminist Themes, Handcuffs, M/M, Prison AU, Religious Themes, Smut, Swearing, Violent Sex, domestic AU, extremely smutty, intense sexual descriptions, violent themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 19:54:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoveredinLemons/pseuds/CoveredinLemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is torn between two people. He thought he'd made the choice that followed his heart, but his heart seems to waver. Can he trust himself?</p><p>He married Levi, he thought he wanted that....but then there is Armin.</p><p>---------</p><p>When Armin returns to bring up memories from Eren's past, can he face the truth? Can Levi?<br/>An emotional fic full of commentary on social structure, prejudice, and true love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Armin's squalor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to Margaret for editing this chapter

Armin sat idly in his cell like a wet napkin, spinning his pocket knife lazily between his fingers.  
A beam of light lit up his golden hair in a halo as the sun peeked shyly through the tiny lone window, close to the ceiling of the room of his confinement.  
The sun was not ready to confess it's affections for Armin yet.  
The sun was afraid of it's homosexual feelings, and to it, Armin was like a slug. Somewhat disgusting, but in a confusingly sexual way.  
It wished to illuminate Armin's penis in it's rays, like a little shining pickle with a LED light inserted in the pee hole.  
Armin giggled when his hands slipped and the knife cut him.  
Prison had changed him. He had become hard like stern rock, who is principle of stone school.  
Just then, there was a knock at the door.  
"Here is your new cellmate." said the useless nondescript female prison guard, who's breasts were like screens over her being.  
A fat Santa like man waddled into the cell. Armin stabbed him to establish dominance, and then urinated on the wound.  
The man chuckled lightly.  
"My name is Barry." He said whisperly, like a sun-dried caterpillar, who had just been told a rude joke by a fish.  
Barry had been in prison before. Armins impaling of him with a sharp instrument was almost cute, like he was asking him out for coffee, or out to see Shrek 2 at the movies. It was like Armin was an apple and Barry was the wind swept version of that apple, well plowed like a field between summer and spring. He knew the rules, and also all of the not rules. Like a computer with lots of good updates. Barry winked at Armin, who frowned, a little over come with how forward Barry was being.

"Well..." Barry raised his luscious eye brows, furry like a pair of small poodles. "It seems they haven't brought in a spare bed for me to sleep in yet...Hope you don't  _mind._ "  
Armin was absolutely stunned. He had no intention of sleeping with someone ugly. He had standards. Anyone not-beautiful was both disgusting, personality-void and unworthy of a sexual Relationship with anything.

  
Barry slowly pushed Armin into a corner, waddling sensuously and wiggling those furry eyebrows. Armin gradually started to feel his walls of defiance melt under the sizzling heat from those pudgy eyes, his mind going blank as he wasn't disgusted by Barry's non-conformance to social beauty standards anymore. Armin stumbled backwards and fell onto the bed, staring up at Barry as he towered above him, his limbs feeling paralyzed as Barry slowly lowered himself ontop of the bed and rolled his way up Armins body. Lying face to face Armins breath caught in his chest, gazing up, the light of the sun that was still peeping(?) into the cell was illuminating Barry. Armin could only aliken it to a fat angel overflowing with Gods liquid love message of fear and conformance. He felt Barrys erection nudge his like a frustrated lizard. Nudge, nudge. Like all men past a certain age, Barrys penis was smaller, but very wrinkled, like a little gnome whose only objective was Armins anal cavity. Armin had told himself he wouldn't be gay while in prison, but he consoled himself that they didn't have to be gay to have gay sex in prison, because it's prison, and let's face it, everyone needs sex or they die.   
Barry gazzed ath the computer screen (armins face-skin) like it was a gerbal he couldn't comprehend. he must add to the chapter on armin's sexual experiences. her raises his hands like tall trees falling into  a pot. the fight is on.  
  


After a few mintes, maybe one, amrin exlpods precum breaking nearby windows, the shattered shards reflected the jelous suns light against the walls of the cell like a disco ball on catnip. They started thrusting, it wasn't long before Barry realised that there was something else inside of Armin other than his own leathery girth. Barry hadn't told Armin yet but his penis was clairvoyant and it was tingling in an spiritual way.

 his anus was possessed.

Or to say it better, there was a presence within him. He paused mid-thrust, and armin complained whinily that his cup was only half full.  
"ARmin...I sense something....within u." Barry said confustedly, glowing down on armin with a severe eyeball.  
Armin blinky. "Yeah, your dick?" He said and Barry raised his forhead.  
"no...a spirit or something. Armin, have you ever felt like you weren't in control of yourself."  
Armin suddenly looked dark skinned, like a black man.  
"i....I felt out of control the day they arrested me. I don't remember what happened. One minute I was having sex with my husband, the next I was standing in shock in front of the charred remains of my home, as sirens rang out and several angry police men pushed me to the ground roughly, and arrested me for terrorism."  
Barry sighed. "You've been possessed." He said, and suddenly Armin knew what had happened.

 

 

 

 


	2. One can not be two, unless one is two

Eren and Levi were right now in the middle of doing some sex.  
Levi had finished loading the dishwasher, and eren had primed the fish tank for their pet fish named bert and susan so they had decided that it was time.  
bert and susans blank lidless stares pierced the opaque glass walls of their confinement with their judgement as they watched Levi and eren dry hump on the kitchen cabinet.  
Levi grunted loudly like a humpback whale crossbred with a rhino. His grunts were loud and rude to the neighbours who lived 4 kilometres away by the lake.  
Geniveve and Agnus Blimple lived in a simple cottage, and didn't appreciate their nice potplants being disrupted by the noisy force of Levi's grunts and thrusts whenever those two gay boys made panky.  
Agnus was lying awake in bed listening to those animalistic groanings and he had to turn to his side to hide his secret erection from his wife. Little did he know Geniveve was doing the exact same thing.  
The glass panes rattled from the force Levi was exerting upon his male wife. Eren lay back and took it, his mind half preoccupied with the delicious meals he would be preparing in his feminine apron tomorrow. Just like all gay relationships between two men, one of them had taken on a female role, and thus Eren's cock ached from it's existence being ignored for three years.  
Levi treated Eren's poop chute like a vagina, and Eren had even heard Levi mutter during sex once that he "expected this round to make twins."  
Eren was not sure how far this wife-act would go, or how seriously Levi was really taking it. It seemed almost like Levi really thought he was a girl now since they'd started this whole house wife and husband play.  
Some days it felt like his original gender was being completely forgotten in favour of making their relationship more understandable. Man + Woman seemed to be all Levi could comprehend, despite both of them being men and in a male + male relationship for over three years.  
He held back a groan of frustration as levi's thrusts grew erratic, and glanced at the clock on the wall above the fridge. If he finished now Eren might be able to put the apple pie in the oven and have it nicely crisp for them to eat right after dinner.  
Levi gasped and slipped slightly, losing his balance and jarring Eren's head against the cabinet door, hard. Eren rolled his eyes, and reminded himself that patience is a virtue, even though he hadn't had a pleasurable shag in two years three months a week and four days. Midnight would make five. His thoughts wandered to Armin, much to his surprise, as he hadn't thought about his terrorist ex-husband for about the same amount of time as he hadn't had good sex. But he remembered how him and Armin had also fallen into similar alarming roles, like they were in a work of fiction written by an ignorant teenage girl.  
But armin had always made sure that the sex was double sided, like a well folded piece of paper, instead of one sided, like a truck that kept stealing all the apricots from the vineyard across the road, and never kept the nuts inside to make fetus trees.  
Levi started screaming like a heavy metal band singer, and Eren felt the soft sound-waves of Genevive and Agnus Blimple's masturbation touching him discretely.  
Levi came with a horse shout. A nearby stallion was summoned to the forest of their humble bungalow, searching out the one who'd made that call. A blinding flash of light signalled the moment of ecstasy and Eren was exasperated when the kitchen sink caught fire. 'Classic sex' he thought with a sigh. With a low grunt unbefitting of his current floral attire, he pushed A boneless Levi away from him, who flopped to the floor and lay there like a discarded nappy, his eyes closed, having instantly fallen asleep.  
From the corner of his eye eren spotted the lecherous stares of his pet fish, bert and susan, who had both shat themselves.  
Just then the phone rang.  
Eren lay on his front, and used his arms to drag himself along the floor towards it, his body so ravaged from the anal sex being so harsh and unnatural on his body.  
He reached the coffee table where it sat and grabbed it, answering and praying that whoever was on the other line wouldn't be able to over hear the lewd conversation his fish were having.  
"Hello?" He asked whisperly.  
"Eren?" A familiar voice was speaking. "Eren is that you?" Eren scrunched up his nose like a crushed panini left in a handbag to eat later but was forgotten about for several days.  
"Who's this?" Eren wondered, un-scrunching his nose and feeling relief when his face pinged back into shape.  
"Armin." Eren shocked loudly, nearly waking up Levi from his sleep. After a muffled "wzzzat?" Levi scratched his anus and rolled over, emanating soft snoring noises again.  
One of Eren's fish made a comment about the size of Levi's penis and Eren shot them a glare, effectively silencing the both of them.  
"Armin? What? Why are you calling! You seriously can't be expecting me to want to speak to you after-" Eren's throat seized up at the thought of his deceased son, and the explosives. He heard Armin take a shaky breath over the line.  
"That's just the thing Eren...Everything that happened...that wasn't me. I finally know what happened." Armin said.  
"...What do you mean?" Eren asked.


	3. Another one comes in to play

Eren stood there shocked as he listened to Armin explain the situation.  
Armin had been possessed, by who he knew not, but that had been the reason he'd suddenly pulled out a bomb and blew up their family home, scarring Levi, and damaging Eren's prostate.  
Eren felt sadness bob like curdled milk inside of his throat.  
Just then Levi was awake, his hair was messy and his face was wet from tears, and he would soon fall asleep right away again if he tried to kiss Eren or anything else that was extremely sexual in nature like kissing on the lips.  
Eren ignored the fact his husband was crying (he was sick of that pussy shit) and gestured for levi to sit at the table distractedly, trying to focus on the important things Armin was telling him. The part with Barry enraged his soul with jealousy, and he felt like punching some women, because that is what women are there for. That, and there ever handy bodily orifices. He cleched his fists so hard a personal trainer in another country got an erection. Just then, the front of ther house exploded. An obsolet female appeared. She had black hair and vagely looked like Levi. Eren instantly knew hu she was. 

"Connis? Sed Levin "Waht you doing here? I left u at the orphonage."

Also conneis mother had ben a womin, and that was unnacceptable now 2 levi that he nu men wer best at evrything, even having vaginas. Levi brooded on this mightily as he continued.

" I have a male-wife now, my lyf is complet." The onli childern he wnted would come from Erens anus. Evrything else was wrong and sacrilidgeous. He felt a surge of power in his thighs at his righteous thoughts. "I will kill u and prove my love for men."

"NO U WILL NUTT"A dep booming voice came from behins the bald one who is connis..

"MIKASA??" Eren sed, only now paying attention after having been distacted from a foreign personl trainer stealing into the room and pleasuring him whil Levi was occupied with a useless female unit of the species. He spurted in the personal trainers nose and turned to face the developing situation. His estranged mother glowered before him like a fridge with autonomy and bad intentions.

" I have given up on u, son, but I know that at least this man once was sraight" said mikasa, who is eren's mum and is very strict. Levi looked confused as he saw connie and Mikasa standing togehter, but his balls throbbed territoriality at mikasa's words

"U shut UP BiTCH" Levi shocked manfully "I Fuck the pussy wen I want, and you are too old"

It was true, MIkasa was going on 26..

 Mikasa Galred at Levi like he was a sewer recently blocked by a fat man who had died whilst maintaining it.  
  


"But Levi, I came here to announce something."  
  
Levi noticed the semen spurted on the strange personal trainer's face and was distracted, not listening to anthing the woman would say anyway because her breasts muffled her throat noises anyway.  
  
"I have an announcement. We had sexx once Levi  i hope you remember it was very straight. But because of straigt sex there was instant consequence of baby.   I had a child seventeen years ago from you, and just now a mtelling you about it because I am woman and cannot work well to pay bills i need man in my life thank you help me I am useless because my vagina muffles my talents."  
  
"What talents? You are female?" Levi recognised the folly of the two humanoid bovines in front of him, but he could see that their noises had affected Eren. "Don't you listen to them, my precious piece of ass" He continued, " U will give me many children yet, from your magical man orifices I have worshiped of late."

Mikasa continued  
"you might remember connie. You put him in orphondage many years ago. because you did not want to dad. And i left him with u because i did not want to mum. I was wearing wig at the time we had sex, so you probably didn't know i was eren's mum seventeen years ago."

"I didn't know Eren 17 years ago. God women are dull. Do not speak further, woman, you are upsetting my wife." Said levi, who tollerated having eren for a wife, because he was suspiciously more tolerable company than all other women.

Eren softened at these words, and with the reassuring touch of his lovers penis in his shoulder. "Maybe you should leave now.. Mum..." eren said.

He had not called her that in a long time. It was not as though she had not accepted him and his choices, but, as was customary, all of his love and empathy was for Levi now, he could not care about his family! Family was for losers who don't get laid.

All the emotions rolled about about the room knocking over furniture and ruining lives. Levi swatted them away angrily. Emotions were not something he, as a male, would even spare a second glance to.  
He opened a window and they fluttered outside, like a travelling cloud of bad fart smells.  
The emotions screeched loudly as ley left, leaving foul skidmarks in their wake all over Levi's nicely painted white walls. The stains would remain there til the house fell down, years lter.

Mikasa continued her talking, like a boring CD of uninspired acoustic noodling.  
"Meet your son again, Levi. Come here connie."

A bald man in his 60's walked forward, the age of his anus affecting his walk. A bald man in his 60s  waddled forward, his legs sticky with the fluids of despair created by years of  not knowing who is father was.  
Levi shocked loudly, suddenly paying attention to the conversatino now that another male was involved.  
  


"My son?" His penis quivvered, sensing the fruit that had squeened out of it, slowly like a worm caught having an underage party inside someone's penis and being kicked out for being rude. He had not seen connis since he had cellotaped his foetus to the side of the old orphonage stone walls, with a sticky note saying 'no thanks' attatched.  
  
"Yes." Mumbled the man named connie who was levi's son. "I am your son." Levi regaurded connie who was his son, and wondered how he not want of the existance of such a wonderful fruit. Connie was like a peach, bald and round but he had legs and stuff so he also looked quite animal-like, like perhaps an ape.  
Levi wandered forward, his arms open so he could embrace his son. Connie slithered into his arms, stiffly standing within them like an erection yet untouched.  
Levi's arms wrapped around his erected son, squeezing it gently, admiring the pus that oozed out of connie's mouth and eyes in response.  
Levi looked over to the window and saw there was a man there, staring through the glass at their happy family-like embrace. The man had a pony tail and a trench coat which successfully concealed his perverted anus, which was rearing to attack an unsuspecting someone preferably named connie.  
"Who is taht?" asked Levi referring to the strange trench-coated man.  
"That is Sasha, one of our neighbors." Said Eren, surprised that Levi hadn't yet met Sasha, the residant trenchcoat wearing man who owned an ice-cream van.  
"Hi sasha." Said Mikasa softly, like meat that had been stepped on by someone with heavy feet. Sasha nodded in response: "OI Yay you slag chheva innit?? Yous a sturdy lookin' slag... Say, Why do you sturd in such a slaggraly fa$hion." Levi nodded because everything Sasha said was wise.  
"Connie I don't want you talking to sasha." Said Eren suddenly, applying a fatherly stance towards Connie like a salve over an infected wound. "He would be a bad influence on you. I think he is gay." Connie shocked  
"wow ok i'll stay far away he might try to suck my dick and i'll like it."

And thus connie was taken into the house as Levi's son. Because mikasa who is eren's mum and is very strict, was woman so she could not work to support child very well on her own (eren used to work since he was child to pay bills) and Levi had changed his mind and wanted to actually keep connie yes thanks. Eren would try to treat him as his own son, but he still felt a little strange that Levi had gotten his mum pregnant.  
Because they were living in but a simple bungalow, there was only one bedroom, so Connie had to sleep in the fish tank.  
Bert and Susan gladly welcolmed Connie in to their own bed, happiily snuggling to the raisined man-flesh that floated close to their small slimy bodies.  
Eventually, bert grew so attatched to Connie that they adopted him as their official son, taking all responsibility from Levi and Eren, much to Erens pleasure, still having erotic thoights about Armin giving birth to Todd from his now limp and useless penis. Eren kept these thoughts hidden from Levi, not wanting Levi to think that he was some kind of homosexual.  
Bert and Connie slept together every night, Connie wrapped under the soft fins of Bert's golden love fans, Sasha and Susan looked on, jealousy turnng them an unnatractive mushroom colour.  
Susan eventually grew so jealous that he murdered Connie, drinking up his human blood that stained the water like a bad period through his tiny fish lips.  
Eren thought about Armin every night, ignoring Levi as he wept over the death of his son Connie, who's funeral was held in an aquarium in fiji.  
Levi couldn't attend the funeral, and he was very deprerssed about it, having to instead attend a press conference to publicise his new book, a short novel about a drunk man innapropriately touching lizards, critically acclaimed by albert einstein and other well known fantasy novelists.  
He had to instead watch his son float around dead on display wearing a porely sewn dolphin costume over a pixilated skype call.  
He'd wept, his eye's blurring with tears, and making the low quality images even harder to see properly.  
Eren wondered if Armin realy had been possessed like he'd said.  
  
Meanwhile in prison, Armin overlooked some business-like lawyer papers, reading the small professional font with his intelligent looking glasses, while several clever men in suits sat around with frowns of mild interest and concern and breifcases.  
He was looking over his case. One of the men cleared his throat, and ARmin looked up, frowning at the man as if he'd just passed wind rudely during a quiet bit at a wedding.  
"ARmin." Said the man in a business voice. "I've looked over your case, and found that possession is not a proper excuse for terrorism." Armin frowned, fiddling with his penis under the table, as all men do when they're under pressure.  
"What do you suggest I do then? Tap dance?" THe lawyer looked contemplative for a moment before standing up and placing his calm, stoic hand over ARmins quivvering male burrito.  
"Yes." He said, and then there was romantic music playing loudly, and the lights dimmed.  
The team of lawyers stood up and applauded, pleased with their intelligence as men. The thought it was the best legal defence ever given birth to by a small oriface. Armin had a shot at being free.  
  
Erwin stood in the window nearby, watching the goings on with a sneaky expression on his face.  
  



	4. Court Room Drama

They were in the courtroom.  
The judge surveyed armin down her long crooked nose, her lifeless breasts swinging limply along to the beat of her heart.  
Several business like looking lawyers and lots of people in suits were in the courtroom also like how you see on tv. Many of the unimportant side characters who were woman were wearing street clothes like the unprofessional objects that they are. Armin was wearing a tuxido and he was daintily holding a glass of Martini on the rox with two pickles in it. Many people were impressed with his fanciful manly style.  
"You look so handsome." Whispered one of the sluts to armin, he stabbed her in the face with his business pen, not liking the way her Woman-breath had brushed against his ear. Whore.  
He would have much cleaning to do later to get the female off him, lest femininity spread within him, pink and porous.  
The woman spluttered and complained in a high pitched voice, as blood spurted out of the eye Armin had impaled. Armin shrugged at the judge, who rolled her eyes and had the girl sent out of the room for being disruptive.  
"Order, order." Woof'd the judge severely and there was peace once again. The duge raised her breasts at Armin inquisitively, and he figured that was his queue to begin.  
Armin stepped forward, adjusting his tie as he swaggered to the podium with a swagger that he had stolen off Levi before he'd gone to Siberia in part one of this series. The focus of the courtroom was on him, and for the useless female characters, their focus was on his butt - like the lustful heathens they are. Repent and Jesus shall forgive.  
"I suppose, you are wondering why I called you all here." Armin addressed the room, his voice ringing with the confidence that only a male raised in this world that appreciates men so much for how great they are could achieve. A twink blushed as Armin walked past him, his anus quivvering at their proximity.  
"Ten minutes ago, i was wondering the same thing." Said armin lowly, and the room chuckled, appreciating Armin's manly wit. (wit is a male thing)  
The judge spoke up, her voice was deceptively low for a woman, so Armin did not have too much trouble listening to her - as she consequentially sounded less irritating than the standard female voice.  
"You were arrested three years ago, for the terrorist act of blowing up your family home. And suspected mal-treatment of your son, Todd, who is dead." She barked and Armin nodded, appreciating the reminder. (not lol)  
"yes, yes, - suspected. They didn't prove that." He chuckled, and the occupants of the courtroom chuckled with him - utterly drawn in by his male charisma. The judge herself, allowed a quick smile to pass her lips, before she sobered and regarded armin with a serious expression again.  
"That may be so, but they did prove that you were the one who set off the bomb." She said, and the room went quiet. Armin had drawn in his audience so well with his excellent charming wit that they were feeling pity at Armin that he had been caught out. One girl even started crying, because she is such a pussy that she has a vagina. Eww.  
"They did prove that i set off the bomb, yes." Armin agreed. "But did I really set off the bomb?" He questioned. The judge looked confused, armin thought this was a good sign.  
"Yes - there's forensic evidence that-"  
"-now now, no need to go through all that," Armin waved his hands as if wafting away a fart, "i'm sure the jury would agree with me that they are sick and tired of hearing forensic this, evidence that." He smiled at the jury and the male members of it nodded enthusiastically. The majority of the female members were too vacant to achieve something as sentient as nodding - several of them were drooling, three were texting all but one did not share enough brain cells between them to form the foetus of a male baby. One of them however, glared on at armin with an icy glare so full of malevolent disbelief that Armin felt uncomfortable and wanted to call the police. She stared at Armin and slowly shook her head from side to side, armin guessed that she did that because she couldn't speak and it was probably sign-language for "no".  
Armin started pacing the room, his shiny dress shoes clicking against the polished stone floor.  
"I want each and every one of you to look at me, and to really think." He gave the female Jury a sympathetic look before continuing, "Imagine you are in my position. Family man, working nine til five. Coming home every evening to a beautiful wife and a son." Armin gestured. "I was living the life. Why would I ruin that? Why would I blow up my family home?" Armin raised his thick cock-like eyebrows innocently. "Why would I blow up my home and spend three years of my amazing life in jail - when I could be at home having anal sex, or be on stage, doing what i love to do most. What I was born to do." Armin's voice became very deep in the last sentence. Then the lights dimmed and a sensual beat began to thrum through the courtroom. Armin closed his eyes and let the beat throb through his body and ebb into his soul. He began to sway his hips to the music, building up the rhythm. He ran his fingers lightly up his thighs and over his belt to his abdomen, enjoying the feel of his prison-hardened abs under his hands. He had to move on though, much as he wanted to touch his abdomen all night - his fingers quickly found the top button of his tux coat and began to make quick work of undoing it and the buttons below, his fingers quickly slipping inside the coat fabric once the buttons were undone to pinch a puckered nipple. The twink in the room sensed the touch and collapsed to the floor, his anus throbbing painfully enough for him to writhe a while and then pass out, never to awake again. The judge blushed crimson, embarrassed by the sight. Armin shifted his hand away from his nipple, and quickly shouldered off his coat, throwing it to the jury. A man with semen-coloured hair leapt up to catch it, grinning widely when he succeeded, urinating all over the floor and the face of the man beside him in his excitement with his achievement. Armin smiled at the man knowingly before resuming his dance.  
The pace of the beat quickened, and armin began to move his hips more rapidly, jerking his body about in slick movements, moving his hands sexually all over his body and tugging at his hair in anguish to symbolize the pain he had been through. The audience sighed in aroused sympathy.  
The beat began to rise to a climax, and so did the jury, every member looking very sex'd, except for the cold-eyed female - who looked genially both shocked and uncomfortable.  
That's when armin began to tap his feet. At first it was just a tentative click of his right toe, then another, next he was flapping his foot against the floor crazily like hammer hitting a nail who has been a very bad boy. then he started tapping his other foot. The audience looked amazed. Except for that girl again. She was even more uncomfortable.  
Now he was doing little jumps between his taps, which were suspiciously in time with the beat of the music. "he's tap-dancing!" one of them exclaimed, and a rugged grin spread across armin's face. His hair flailed wildly in the wind like he was in a shampoo commercial, and he danced in the spot light in rapid slow-motion. Everyone had erectives. Even the cold one. The judge's tail started wagging. Sweat sparkled in the air as armin threw his head back for a mighty finale. Tensing his jaw mannishly every muscle in his body rippled as he performed the mightiest pelvic thrust seen in decades. The whole courtroom cried out in golden ecstasy, Armins shackles exploded and the Judge died from the epic release never experienced in her sad female life, as she was a good woman and never enjoyed sex. 

It was over. Armin was free. The jury exreted the majority of their fluids out of their orifaces, then flopped to the floor like stretched saggy empty baloons. The cold one opened her whithered lips and breathed a tiny "well done." then she closed her eyes and was no more.  
Armin  smirked and swaggered out of the courtroom high fiving strangers and shooting police men on his way out.  
In a bungalow in the woods Eren sensed that his soulmate was free.


	5. Conflict in the happy couple

Eren was unloading groceries from the family minivan when Levi pulled up beside him wth a shrek in his sleek red sports vehicle, penetrating the driveway with both brutality and ease. Levi leapt out of the metal penis, landing on a bag of blood oranges at Eren's feet.

"...Get in the car..." He mumbled sexily, eyes moldering. He kicked the bag of oranges under a nearby bush and threw Erin into the sportcar with a grunt.

"Wat ar e you dooing Levi?" eren mewled, flattered but a little frightened by this sudden crazed attention. Levi punched the dashboard and the car sped off down the street.

"...We are going on a holiday." Was the only answer he got. He smiled as he ran his fingers over the bruises Levi had just given him smashing him through the car window. He had not had a holiday since he had become Levins wife, as he had worked tirelessly towards becoming levis perfect woman, cooking, cleaning, and taking it up the butt when required. His anus sighed smellily at the prospect of a vacation.  
They drove for an hour and a half and then levi got up and said "get out of the car eren were in hong kong."  
Eren got out of the car and wowd at the temples of the old city.  
A man in robes approached them with a fire lantern, bowing, his sandles revealing cold toes.  
"Levin. I have been awaiting thine arrival." He said, his asain accent was strong like someone who has been working out.  
Levi clicked his fingers and the man turned, leading them to a house made of paper, he wafted the door open and they slid inside. The man left, bowing at levi and saying "I shall return, your liege." Levi and eren lay down on the floor and levi conjured some blankets for them to soil with there semen.  
Levi brushed against eren's cheek with his penise, and Eren's entire body shuddered with tits. "open mouth" kinkied Levily, and eren bit down on the peen like it was a tasty chocolate from germany he had not sampled yet. Levis spurted in orgasm.

Meanwhile in Europe.  
Armin stood at the gate of the driveway to Eren and Levi's homoly bungalow.  
He bit his bottom lip, and made a big sigh, steeling his titanium nerves before approaching the house on his tippy toes, wafting closer like a cloud carried at an average speed by the wind. The house did not hear his sneaky feet.  
Arm froze like a carrot when he saw some stuff. There was a pool of red in the driveway, and groceries left abandoned in front of the house. He went over to the van and saw that the back door was still open. he sniffed the air, and smelt eren. He drew a conclusion on his peice of paper. Eren had been stabbed and kidnapped by Levi. He called on the phone a booked a flight to hong kong.

Eren was wacking the meat stick. He was drumming the fervent cucumber. Milking the pipe of love. He was kneading the long and thick yeast, he was jacking the giant mjolnir, he was fondling a lonely carrot, he was beating up a racist cat, he was cutting up a stack of beans, he was also dong his math homework.  
Levi watched on with a severe expression as Eren masturbated into one of the pot plants in the room. Levi had gone to pee outside (they don't have toilets in china) and when he'd returned he'd shocked quietly at the sight of his wife toucheing his penis. Levin had forgotten eren had a penis. but now that it was erectile, he couldn't deny its presence on his wife's body. Disgust rifled through his body like it was searching for a particular file. he scowled in horror.  
"Ernile. what is this." He mumfled, and eren spun on the spot, leaking what stuff (was it semen?) around the room as he spun. The paper walls that it touched began to dissolve, protesting against the ungodly wetness upon them.  
"Levi." Eren breathed, still pumping his filthy clock.  
"Ugh. U r man." Levi said and Eren smiled gayly.  
"Did you forget, husband?" He smiled sweetly, and Levi wanted to punch something manly. At the same time he was aroused. He felt deceived and betrayed. Eren continued "You always said vaginas were disgusting pits of evil. But I am a man. You can have my anus all you want but it is still gay. no mattr wat u do"  
"LIES" Screamed Levi, his anguish tearing through the weakened paper walls sending the house into a slow crumple "I WILL SLAP THE TRUTH INTO YOU. WOMAN"  
"bUT i AM NOT A WOMAN" Eren cried, stopping Levi in his tacks. "I am a man, so hitting me is illegal"  
Levis world was pathetically coming down like the damp paper house around them. He grabbed the bags of condoms and sex toys he'd packed for their trip and ran out of the rented paper temple, leaving it to collapse and potentially suffocate his wife, eren, who he didn't luv anyway so bye.  
Levi ran and ran til he was in another small village. he stopped infont of a fish pond and allowed a single black tear drop to sit on his cheek like a pimple.  
He put his face in his hands. WHat had he done?

Armin sniffed the wind, then regretted his actions as his nostrils filled with the foul smells of chinese farts.  
He glanced from left to right, seeking out his levi-shaped prey.  
Little did he know, Erwin watched him from the trees, a sneaky expression on his face.


	6. 2 is maybe 2 less than three you fucking phsycotic bitch i kill u with stick and your eyes will bleed milk

Armin was searching for a toilet (lol they don't have those in china so good luck) when he saw a sad looking soggy dog drag it's wounded wet flank into a brothel.  
"Eren." he breathed, recognising his bitch ex wife, at once.  
Why would his baby boy, Eren, be visiting a house of ill-repute was beyond Armins blonde comprehension - he could have any man woman or child in the Kong he liked!  
"No matter: Armin thought huskily, as he footstepped behind him, trying to be sneaky, but his penish which was damaged from giving birth over 3 years ago to their son Todd who is dead dragged behind him loudly, scraping against the nylon floor like a weighted noodle.  
The sound shreiked on unnoticed by Eren, who seemed to be tranfixed by his inner turmoil, and the lady-boys of kong.  
A grandmother gave Armin 50cents and a disaprooving look, eyeing Armins purpular member as it lagged behind him.  
Armin paid the door man the $10 entry fee, but complained his friend said it was free so ended up getting free entry. (that was a business action) As he entered the house of whores, the stench of bad drug cigarettes met his nostrills and introduced themselves as "paul" who is a "nice guy" just lookin for some "fun." Armani was skeptical, and wondered where levi was (because levi has troubled past and used 2 do bad drugs and wear leather and drive bike like bad boy and other bad things)  
When Armina entered, he was greeted also by the headmaster of whores, Erwin (who has been previously scoping Armin out frm tree top(read last chapter)). Erwin offered him a pink rose and armin slapped it away to the floor where it crumpled like a dead chicken. He scowled up at Erwin, who was wearing a skimpy pink fairy costume, and called him a fag.  
Erwin smirked, amused by Armin's rudeness and asked him what business he had here in his fine establishment.  
Armin said he was here 2 fuk bitches and get laid and erwin nodded and left.  
arikininm sees erib wading through the sea of foul clitorises  
He was shocked to see how much eren had changed since he'd last seen him. Eren looked sad, and armin was concerned.  
he pulled eren out of the slop exclammin  
"wow eren what."  
Eren pouted "me and levi just went through a bad breakup and i'm feeling really depressed don't talk to me when did you get out of prison"  
Armin frowned "I was allowed out because i proved my innosence."  
Eren raised his eyebrows disbeleivingly.  
"ok." relented armin, "I gave everyone in the courtroom erectives for me and they let me go cos i'm a good dancer."  
Eren smiled at this and nodded understandably, as he had studied law and understood how justice works.  
so y did you two bork up? findled Armin.  
Eren sighed poopily, not wanting to remember. Images of his and Levi's argument in the paper temple flashed behind his eyelids and he suffered a mild seizure from the flashing lights.  
he snuck a cheeky finger down his pants and touchèd his butthole to calm himself. Armin sniffed the air, sensing something sensual was awry. (guys armin is something like the sex king so he knows if anyone is acting panky straight away!)  
"I-I masturbated." Stuttered Eren, then he hung his head ashamed of his shameful act - he was supposed to be behaving as Levi's wife - and women don't get aroused and masturbate! He was a failure. Armin frowned.  
"ww-w-wwhAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!" Responded Armin at length.  
"I touchèd myself." Said Eren quietly, then added in a whisper; "with panky intentions."  
Armin raised his eyebrows and they threatened to leave his face and sit on someone who wasn't so disruptive and kept their bloody brow still long enough for them to take proper naps.  
"what does that have to do with your fight with Levi?" Questioned Armin, wondering if Eren was hitting on him.  
"Levi caught me in the act! He'd forgotten that I have a penis. He was upset that I reminded him." Eren explained and armin frowned deeper, until his eyebrows got too exhasperated and packed their bags! Boarding a train out of china! On their way to missisipi! they're gonna get a brand new job in the city!  
Armin was pleased that he had a fringe, so people wouldn't be able to easily see that he was a freak who had no eyebrows.  
He sauntered towards Eren, his stolen swagger oozing adulterous intentions. He drew close to eren, so that their chests brushed together and he felt the other boy's breath fan out across his cheek. He could smell the subtle scent of aconite shampoo Eren always used when he was having a bad day.  
"you know..." Armin started, then trailed off momentarily aroused and distracted by the husk in his own voice. He cleared his head and continued.  
"Levi might find the fact that you have a dick repulsive..." He let his hand fall palm open against eren's pounding chest and eyed the exposed skin at the open collar of eren's shirt.  
"But I find it kinda kinky." He breathed, letting his hooded eyes flicker upwards to meet eren's own - which were brimming with lust. Jesus, who was in the corner of the room underneath a stripper, felt uncomfortable sharing a room with two homos.  
"gay" whispered jesus under his breath, and the fat rolls on his chin rippled with divine judgement.  
Eren nodded in agreement with the christ our lord, shying away from Armin's ungodly touch. His breath caught in his throat as he tried to respond, so he only succeeded in making a strange wobbling noise. Armin smirked, and his lips tiredly made an empty threat about leaving him too.  
"You know you want me Eren." stated Armin and Eren shook his head, desperate to deny what they both knew to be the truth.  
A devious and sneaky tear wiggled it's way out of the bud of Eren's right eye, scowling shiftily at Armin with a self-righteous expression. He opened his mouth to respond  
then suddenlyh! a dot appeared!  
the dot had erwin wrapped arond his little pinnis like a tiny python.  
"hu r u." said armin to the man standing wrapped around Erwin like a stretched condom.  
"i am PIXIS. Dot Pixis, Levi's twin adopted brother." Eren wowd at the shocked news.  
but u look nothing like my ex bf(boyfriend NOT best friend!!!)

"thants because wer non identical twins." explainedd pixis, unwinding his playdough like torso from around Erwin and standing straight and tall like a penguin who is also tall.

Eren eyed the dot and took in his ancient appearance. Dot was tall like a penguin who is also tall and he also had wrinkles. Also he was bald. In the back of his mind somewhere he wondered why Levi's twin brother was at least a hundred years older than Levi.  
Armin wondered y any family would adopt such an ugly old man.  
(guys armin's not mean he's juss feeling a little left out and i think that's understandble don't u)  
"all of the homo" whispered jesus from his corner of purity and da hottest strippers in da club.  
His high social position demanded and was rewarded with only the best, and nobody dared question his authority - lest his father hear about.  
Pixis ignored jesus christ, which Armin thought was rude - and he was immediately disposed to dislike the chap.  
"I've wanted to meet you for a while, Eren." said Pizis, his bald spot gleaming confidently. Eren looked befuddled.  
"oh...forgive me...Levi never mentioned you. How did you know of me?" Eel inquired  
"We hung out in Siberia. I was the one who taught Levi everything he knew - about drag racing." Pixis' browning teeth gleamed healthily as his crinkled old face smiled at the memories of his past. Armin suppressed a disgruntled noise as he noticed they way Eren's eyes lit up with an exited boyish gleam. He didn't like the idea of Eren idolizing this suspicious old fool.  
"Wow! Drag racing?!" Eren exclaimed excitedly like a puppy dog who could talk.  
"Drag racing on motorcycles." Smirked Pixiz, folding his legs in half. 

"wow." wow'd eren, and armin decided he definitely hated this stupid gay old man.  
"Yes eren. Drag racing on motorcycles across the sandy dunes of Siberia, speedin past the ancient pyramids - laughing we are young and free." Sang Pizzis beautifully.  
"ugh u r old and slave." snorted Armin coldly under his breath.  
Darkness flashed across Pizza's expression for but a second - so briefly that everyone except Jesus who was still spying on their conversation because he's got no real friends thought they'd imagined.

Later that night pixis was buying them all another round of drinks  
they were all loaded into a booth, which had red leather seats. Levi had been invited along for some reason, and him and Eren were seated at opposite ends of the booth in silence as they pretended to ignore eachother.  
Erwin had a crush on pixis, so he gathered the hottest ladies in the brothel and paid them to sit around near the group - to make them feel cool.  
Jesus complained, because those ladies were usually reserved solely for him and threatened to call his dad. Pixis rolled his eyes and called Jesus a little bitch - which shut him up.  
Armin thought that that was pretty rude, and allowed Jesus to sit on his lap for a cry. Jesus' tears stained his many baby blue shirt and he sold it to an enthusiastic christian man for $10 dollars and a packet of suspicious looking white powder that Levi took off him and pocketed telling him that it was "probably worthless" and "probably sherbert"

The man was actually not a christian and he was found the next day by the police passed out in a gutter with the entire shirt stuffed into his urethra.  
The shots Pixis had just bought arrived, and Armin threw back the fiery liquid, flinching slightly as it burned his appendix. Eren's throat suffred 3rd degree burns because he was not used to drinking the hard stuff like the other men around him (he had mascaraeded too long as a women, and had become weak like one).

"So..." said pixis, breaking the frankly awkward silence. Frankly was asked to leave, and the atmosphere eased.  
Pixes noted the glances Eren and Levi were not sharing.  
"Conflict in the happy couple?" Asked pixis, straightforwardly addressing the tensions as he is just that kind of guy. 

 

Levi grimaced. and Eren excreted laxative from his nipples (once again this is just because he's been pretending to be a 

woman for too long, so he is responding to feeling uncomfortable in a typically female way)  
"Yeah." Murmured Eren after a moment. Armin wanted to fuck him.  
Levu scowled. "Ern lied to me this whole time. I wouldn't call that a conflict. I'd call that Eren being a liar."  
"I nvr lied 2 u!" sported Eren, reaching under the table to clasp at his shrunken penis - armin smelt the panky action 

and raised his forheard (he has no eyebrows to raise anymore)  
"u did!" Levi glanced desperately under the table to where Eren was fondeling at his trechcerous penis.  
"u rely hurt me with ur lies ereb." Told levi seriously. "i don't think i can forgive u for making me look like a homo." 

he said and Jesus nodded from above the booth where he hung on the chanderleir, spying on their conversation because his 

dad didn't let him speak to people anymore. Things went disasterously last time he tried to make friends.  
(he like got betrayed and shit. (read the bible 2 understand this referece))  
susan u r crushing my bladder  
"im sorry for misleading u levi, i tried 2 b good wife for u but in the end i couldn't change who i am." Eren stretched at his penis pulling it long like someone stretching a snake lolly till it was visible above the table to prove his point. LEvi looked away sadly and pixis looked alarmed and then disturbed.  
"u can get a sex change." growled levi, and eren blanced, staring aat his stretchy penis sadly and imagining it not being there. He didn't want to truely be woman. that would be like olimpic sprinter getting paralised.  
stop it susan i am trying to write  
"dont ask ereknimibble to change! He is perfekt the way he is!" Yeilded Armin suddenly, standing and reaching over to lovingly stroke ERen's penis. 'i appreciate you' said his hands to erens penis 'i accept you' they said 'i wouldn't ask you to leave'.  
'ew' responded erens penis, shrivveling like bad raisin to the touch.  
Pixis didn't know how to deal with their strange behaviour, so he exused himself to the loo.  
Jesus got sick of their shit and let go of the Chandler, who sighed relieved at the relief from his weight (jesus shud go on diet) floating down magically to the table (for those of you who haven't read the bible jesus can do that kind of stuff), where when his boots struck the wood - the great oak cracked with a great resounding noise making everyone in the booth flinch and shift their attention to the strange bearded 

man.


	7. Christ the saviour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I haven't had sex with a cat that is malicious rumor

Jesus stared with righteous judgement at the boys sitting below him in the dingy booth.  
Armin Levi and Eren had his full attention, and he, theirs.  
The strippers who had previously been hanging out, took his mighty glare as their cue to leave.  
"THOU ART ALL BITCHY MOTHERFUCKERS." Spake Jesus calmly once the whores had left them. "STOP THIS UNCOUTH WHINGING YE NIGGIES AND QUENCH YOUR THIRSTS." He ordered and waved his mummified hand. Wine appeared all around them in elegant glass barrels. Jesus waved his hand again and wine glasses appeared. He gestured for the boys to partake of the holy liquid, and they all reached to the barrel nearest to them, uncorked it and filled their glasses to the brim. 2Corinthiansv21

They consumed the red liquid with acute fervency and enjoyment - unaware that they were indulging in the Christ's own blood. Jesus' appearance grew more and more shrivelled and dry as the evening progressed as his body was drained of fluids to fill the barrels. This was quite the feat as he was already mummified. (sorry to break the hearts of the readers but Jesus has been dead for thousands of years he was buried in a sand cave (read the bible))  
They all got thoroughly intoxicated, Levi caught aids. Jesus was feeling slightly ill as they all ambled drunkenly from the brothel - clasped in each other's arms to support their currently unreliable legs. Eren and Levi's legs were unreliable because they were exceptionally pissed, Jesus' because he was dying from anaemia.  
Their walking was disturbed when eren face planted in the gutter and remained there, his rear-end seeping bile and vomit. 2corinthiansv22  
Jesus looked away from the foul sight, disgusted and his attention was then caught by a strange figure looming in a dark alleyway. He squinted, trying to make out who it was. It wasn't that he was particularly interested in whoever was lurking there - people who lurk in alleys are definitely bad news, jesus is 4thousand years old he knows this for sure - it was more that he needed something to distract himself from the foul bubbling noises Eren's rump was making as it pushed the content of his stomach out.  
The man was muttering in french which immediately made Jesus suspicious of him - the french were sneaky and ate cheese therefore they could not be trusted and they killed the jews - he crept closer, making sure to keep his footsteps light despite the trouble his anaemia was giving him.  
The man paused mid frenchy sentence and turned to the side where a beam of light hit his face and Jesus took in a sharp breath of air as he recognised him.  
Dot Pixis.  
The remaining blood in Jesus' body curdled and he stiffened like a tree at the sight. Levi had given up trying to mop at the mess Eren was making (he is feeling too drunk to clean) and jogged to where Jesus was standing rooted to the spot.  
"What's the matter- pixis?!" he questioned, and jesus shushed him, not wanting Dot to know that they had seen him. The man was clearly bad news.  
"Is that Pixis hanging out in an alley? I cannot beleive my bad brother is a bad guy." Levi frowned sadly. "I wonder if we should call the police." He mumbled, and armin scoweld.  
"No we shouldn't. Fuck the police." Said armin who hated police because he had been to jail.  
"ok but he is clearly up to no good." Said jesus wisely and everyone agreed, except Eren who had died from alcohol and blood poisoning.

Levi and Armin sat side by side in the hospital corridoor. They weren't there for fun, they were waiting to see whether or not Eren would come out of surgery alive.  
Jesus had excused himself to the front entrance where he was staring at the coffee machine feeling drawn out and sleep deprived. He raised the blood bag he had stolen off a terminally ill patient and uncapped it - suckling up the blood inside and feeling it quench his parched veins, refilling them with liquid and curing his anaemia.

After he had drained the bag, jesus returned to the corridor where he regarded Armin and Levi with a severe expression before joining them on the bench, to sit in silence with them.  
A gong rang out and an asian woman came from the room they were sitting outside.  
"ho chi min." She said in a deep gruff voice and Armin nodded understandingly, and then she left again.  
"What did she say?" Asked Levi desperately.  
"Eren will not survive the night." Armin responded, and the silence that followed was grave.  
Levi went pale for a moment, then his gaze fell on Jesus, and jesus prayed that he wouldn't ask -  
"Can't you save him?" that. "You can do magic tricks, i've seen you." Levi implored and Jesus shook his head.  
"I don't do that any more." Said jesus.  
"Why not!" Demanded Armin, standing suddenly.  
"Because humans are fundamentally selfish and cruel. My kindness towards them didn't and could never change that." Relented jesus, clenching his hallowed jaw.  
"Wow." Said Armin. "Rude."  
"Please!" pleaded Levi, like a desperate man who's lover was dying.

"No, i cannot. Last time i tried to help people they were mean to me!"  
"I don't care if you were bullied or something! Don't be a little bitch!" (Levi hasn't read the bible)  
"How dare you call me a little bitch! I'm telling father!" Screeched Jesus, jumping to his feet. Armin looked rather concerned at this, but levi rolled his eyes.  
"I don't care who your dad is he's not the boss of me!" yelled Levi and Jesus looked shocked.  
"Who are you to ... be so fearless?" He questioned, regarding Levi with a sudden fearful awe. "Who are you to not tremble at his wrath?!"  
"My name is Leviless Snacklebot and YOU WILL SAVE MY HUSBAND!" Roared Levi. Jesus blanched and bowed quickly - he had not until now known a man who did not fear god, and he did not wish to irk him further.  
"As you wish." He muttered sadly, and entered the hospital room Eren was in quickly and quietly. He cast an invisibility spell over himself, and manoeuvred nimbly around the various surgeons mulling around the room. He spotted Eren lying on a bed, various plastic tubes coming out of his body. His breathing was laboured and though his eyes were closed, he could see them moving feverishly behind his lids.  
"Look at you, piteous thing, in so much pain." Whispered jesus softly as he hovered over the boy.  
His eyes flickered towards Eren's lips, where were drawn into a thin line as he struggled with the pain ravaging his body.

A strange feeling began to take take bloom within Jesus' chest as he looked at the boy, and he gave pause to try and identify it. It had been so many years since he had allowed himself to consider human emotions - but he couldn't deny that this strange boy was drawing feelings from him unconsciously.  
Unable to identify what the feelings meant, jesus shrugged his shoulders, leant down and quickly pressed his lips to erens. Eren's lips were soft against his own chapped and leathery ones, and he enjoyed the moment before he pulled away. Eren was still for a moment before his eyes fluttered open and his brilliant green eyes met jesus'.  
Eren frowned. "What happened?" He asked. Jesus was surprised that Eren could see him despite his invisibility cock, but he dismissed the surprise, reasoning that Eren was in the company of a man who was beyond the influence of god- so it was likely that he had power of his own.  
"I gave you the kiss of life" Said Jesus, suddenly feeling like a paedophile.  
(guys it's not that erens underage but jesus is thousands of years old so he feels kind of old in comparison 2 eren like maybe how edward cullen feels sometimes when he lies awake at night idk im not him)  
"Thanks." Said eren jumping off the bed and running out of the room. Armin and Levi were pleased to see him and they both hugged him.

Later that night they all checked into a hotel, and Jesus hid in the bathroom while Armin Eren and Levi had a threesome. Levi was so pleased to have Eren alive he even touched Eren's penis - though admittedly it was with a cloth covered in turpentine.


	8. description of the third panky

Levi rubbed Armin's clitoris fitfully feeling more gay by the second. He repressed the shudder of repulsion that he felt from touchéing a faggot and reasoned that at least he wasn't touchéing a slut woman.  
Eren's nipples pulsated with tension and Jesus stuffed socks into his ears as he heard the pulsations like loud drum beats in his ears - the highly sexual noises roused a thousand year old lust which had been slumbering til now. His mummified cock began to fill with liquid and inflate, peeking shyly above the rim of his pants.  
Eren bit his nipples to douse the pulsations which were beginning to irritate him.  
Jesus moaned while his cock blew up like a balloon full of hydrogen and dragged him into the air. He dangled limply in resignation as he floated up to the bathroom ceiling.  
What they were too immersed to realise was that Dot Pinis was in the other room, doing his dirty drug deeling! Dot stood over two underage kiddies snorting marijuana. One of them died of overdose and Dot laughed because he is evil.  
He noticed the treesome starting in the other room with his drug dela senses! He beat the other underage kiddy 2 death and bend to da wall of the motel to listen.  
Eren was wailing like irritating emotional woman as levi tentatively poked his pinis with a hesitant index finger. Armin drooled like an 800 thread count duvet while he watched this interaction.  
"Im gonna wreck ur cunt" gunted Leviless manishly  
"He's gonna wreck it!" Echoed Wreck it Ralph from outside the window. Ralph was ignored.  
Levi moved his other hand and prodded Armin's faggot anus with an uncomfortable expression on his face.  
brrrrrrrrm  
prod prod  
poke poke  
oooh ahh!  
Armin's anus undulated like a peaceful sea anemone. Levi grooned.  
"yeah" sead Eren "u kno i cen pick de anuses"  
"DON'T SAY ANUS" yelled Levi like a feirce boar "I not gay!!" he screm like iscem 4 uscrem (reference 2 chilhood lol)  
"I not touché the unholy cavities of men!" he exhalted and Jesus hailed "praise" from da bathroom.  
Eren shocked becos he had forgotten Jesus was there. A sudden holiness had threatened to kill the buzz and everone's erectives began to deflate. That was until armin started dancing. He was like liquid and he made the room wet with his movements which were reminiscent of a drowning man flailing as sharks peel the flesh away from his meaty thighs.  
"u r pankylicious!" murmered eren 2 his former lover (armin).  
Armin blushed. He opned his brown covered lips and sang in a falsetto that made even Jesus' groin throb with want. Jesus remembered back to his days in 'Nam where his disciples had threatened to perform felacial upon him. He had turned them down as his dad had raised him to despise sex. (NOT JOHN (mary's husband)). Judas had felt sad at his rejection and had alerted the vietnamese authorities to the fact that Jesus was against their totalitarian government, and the Vietnamese police had crucified him.  
Jesus opened the bathroom door and entered the room. He sat down in the corner and watched them indiscretely. 

lots of sex happened, eren cried because he had 2 b woman during sex again and that requires tears and obedience.

Levi's ererction was mighty enough to lift a small child and he multitasked between nudging armin's earlobes with it and impaling eren with it. Levi noticed his ern was distressed so he grabbed a rag and tentitavely touched eren's penis with it - though not before sanitising the rag with turpentine. Eren's cock began to fizzle and pop as boils broke out over it because the turpentine was dissolving his penis. Jesus turned away in disgust. Eren was both enjoying himself and not enjoying himself - he was tired of opening his legs like a can of bad worms to men. he didn't like always playing the woman. he wanted to penetrate. To dominate. The sudden manful urges overwhelmed him and Eren's repressed manhood exploded out of him - shattering the windows of the motel room they were in and killing a nearby transvestite. He tore off his remaining clothes and jumped out the window into the streets where his years of repressed violence caused him to rampage uncontrollably - murdering and pillaging. There was no stopping him. Armin and Levi shrugged at eachother then continued shagging, Levi removed armin's pants.

Pizza observed the goings on and made a celphone call.

jesus whipped around suddenly noticing thhat the anus of armin was possesed.  
u hav evil spirit within u ! allow me to CAST THE DEMON OUT! he bellowed and rushed towards armin wiht a pitch fork  
dnt touche me you nigger - said armin racistly  
Jesus galrerd at the armin and beegan to chant in latin the words of expulsion  
armin cringed  
blessed are those who hear the word of god and keep it luke11-28  
"this posession is an injustice that needs to be rectumfied!" (hehe good 1! (marrgaret tells me this kind of thing is called a pum)) there was a loud bang as jesus uttered the magic words  
smoke curled about the room,, and then there was an apparation! the apperating was in the form of a small baby who wore clothes and an angry expression  
armin recognised him instantly  
"todd." he murmured sadistically

Menwhile eren was sacrificing a goat and drinking da blood (as men do when they come of age in MANy cultures (another pum!)), his biceps rippled and swelled in size. Then he ran down the streets again, his naked torso bloody and indecent to those who don't like the sight of penishes (nobody lol penis is the best)

Eren's feet hurted as he dashed over the bridge, a swarm of police cars bleating noisily as they made hasty pursuit. His  
chest heaved as his lungs strove to bring air to his body. The thud thud thud of a hellicopter made him pause, and toss his head to the sky, a defeatist tear slowly trickeling out of one of his eyes as he took in the impossibility of his escape. The blood and faeces of a thousand woman was coated over his naked body in a rather tacky looking suit. Vogue magazine gave his outfit a solid 3/10. (it was not 1/10 because they gave him extra points for the use of creative materials in what they called a very 'gaga-esque creation') Eren fell to his knees, the adrehnaline rush he'd gotten from the sudden return of his manhood had eased and now he was left feeling light headed and a little disappointed with himself. The hellicopter's machine gun shot it's load - filling eren with bullets. Eren closed his eyes and saw only

black.


	9. Don't play with fire or you will injure yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on the Divide between Adults!  
> Armin and Eren got married and had a son Todd, who died.  
> A spirit was possessing armin and caused him to blow up their family home and get arrested for terrorism.  
> Armin went to prison.  
> Eren and levi got married while armin was in prison. Mikasa who is eren's mum and is very strict revealed that she had a son with levi, called Connie. Connie was taken in by eren and levi but he died.  
> Eren and Levi had a bad fight. Armin got out of prison.  
> Eren nearly died but he was ok!  
> Levi Eren and Armin decided to celebratet his recovery with sex together (pixis who is shady -they saw him in an allwyway- listened to their panky through the wallls of the motel!)  
> Eren got tired of being a women and went crazy! He was shot down by a hellicopter!  
> Jesus finally noticed Armin was possessed and it wwas revealed that the one who was possessing him was Todd, his dead son!

Todd, who is Eren and Armin's son and is dead, floated menacingly.  
"Why have you excreted me!" He boomed in his infantile voice at Jesus.  
Jesus shrugged. Excrettion was an average part of the life of a holy one.  
"Why dost thou, Todd, plague the anus of this child of God?" Boomed Jesus back, as, in his arousal Armin had been forgiven his sins.  
Jesus floated limply over Todd in a menacing way. Todd blushed at his proximity to one so sacred and then Pixis who is a suspicious dude burst into the room - the skin on his bald head was quivering with exitement.  
"Todd!" He exhalted shockfully and Todd looked over to Pixis with surprise.  
"U 2 kno eachodder?" Queried Armin who felt uncomfortable about his dead infant son knowing such a suspicious old man.  
"After u killed me I was out on da streets. I had to survive." Explained Todd. Everybody looked guiltful. "Dot hooked me up into the business." Everyone collectively shivered, even Eren who was somewhere else being shot. He continued.  
"I did tha dug deeling I lost my soul, nd I survived, no thanx 2 u Dad." Everibodi had 2 cry, not a single eye waz dry.  
Armin felt many shamefulls, and Levi comforted him with his classic reassuring touche of his penis at his shoulder.  
"I think you should apologise." Muttered Jesus to Armin. "What you did was pretty rude."  
"Fuk u!" Yeeilied ARmin, feeling anger spurt out of him like blood from a severed artery. "Todd possessed me and ruined my lyf! I went 2 prison! I became hardened and cruel!" Armin felt his prison-toned irrational violence throb happily with the anticipation of a brawl.  
"Nah fuk u-" started Todd,  
"-language young man!" interjected Armin,  
"shut up Dad ur so lame!" Strenged Todd, effectively silencing his estranged father.  
"U killed me!" Whipped Todd - his words bruising Armin's exposed skin.  
"Todd, your death was an unfortunate accident-" Clicked Armin explanatively,  
"It was neglect." Seriosed Todd. Jesus, Pixis and Levis wathed on sadly.  
"Tod I loved you, I carried you inside me and birthed you from mine peen." Comforted Armin and Jesus shocked at the unholy revelation.  
"And luk at how it drags." Pointed Todd rudely.  
"Oh no he didn't!" Shouted Wreck it Ralph. Armin lunged out at punched Todd in the face. Todd retaliated right back, bringing his own tiny fist to armin's mouth and knocking out several teeth. They scrapped on the floor in a vengeful fist fight - father pitted against deceased son until Jesus glowed brightly like toxic waste and said "Stop this madness." Wreck it Ralph glared at Jesus for interrupting the specticale. his CGI erection pixilating til it left. Bye.  
"Wreck it Love, Wreck it Life." Quoted Jesus from the bible. Todd nd Armin werer so intent on fisting each otha (not pankily u perverts! - fuk u Ariana for the comments) that they ignored our lord's holy powers. "fuk dis shit" said Jesus, sick and tired of their beastiality, and floated up into the heavens foreavea more. His dad welcomed him home like a cup.  
Suddenly, a mighty grint was herd and Ren burst thru the door, spraying blood that was not necessarily his own.  
"yeah fight fight!" Crid Eren, his bullet wounds leaking like a pot that was never sealed properly. His erection bounced vigorously because of the violence.  
The viola was certainly heating up, with Todd seizing Armin's leg and lightly tickling it until blood and viscera splattered forth.  
"NO! SThap!" cried erern, suddenly, his persona flitting between pussy woman and manful man like someone with polarbear disorder. Levi's cellphone went off and he excused himself from the room. Armin chewed on da baby's tiny toes angrily.  
And then Levi bust back into the room like a soggy dumpling, exclaiming - "I hav just had a call from my son Connis back home in Europe. Mikasa has cancer!"


	10. fuck you mary poppins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning chapter contains a r*de joke

Levi was sombre on the plain trip. Eren sat beside him in a coma, having finally succumb to his wounds. Levi and Armin sneakily held hands while Eren was slipping from his comma in2 death. They felt love for each other strongly like a thick pencil. Armin said to Levi 'I'm hungry get me something' and Levi got up, careful not to jostle Eren, who was bleeding onto the plane carpet, as he shifted out into the aisle. He saw a plane lady and said 'may i have one of your snacks?" she nodded at him and handed him a frodo. Levi was Leving when an angry ginger-bearded man yelled at him and the plane lady.  
"Y did u gov him a snack when he asked but not me?!!" He mooshka'd beltily at her and she fronded.  
'no reson." She egg hammed.  
"it's cos i'm trans-human isn't it? and ur discriminationing against me and my kind!"  
"no - i am not."  
"I am a salamander! and there is nothing u can do about it its in my soul!" shooter the man. "fuck u and the other evil ppl who want to hate on other-kin. u dot know nothing u losers." Levi glared at him but then a tall blond man spoke from behind them.  
"shut up gimli, nobody cares." Said the tall man, and the ginger bearded man tunrde on him.  
"fuck u lego! U once told me that you were actually a willy mammoth, do u mean to tell me u were lying 2 me to gain my thrust?!" Yelled angry ginger man.  
"No i was making a penis joke." Explaned the tall one. Ginger giggled.  
"oh. Good 1." He said.


	11. America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa is treated for cancer in an American hospital, with her family and friends there with her for support.

Mikasa was transported to a hospital in Missipi, America, because Europe didn't have facilities that treated cancer as there are no Mc Donald's in Europe. Eren was transported there too, having succumbed to the bullet wounds in his chest.

Levi and Arwin were exploring the city when Arwin was suddenly stopped by a very fat man with guns for hands wearing a security uniform.

"Oi  you! Come with me." Yelled the man agressively to armin, and grabbed him with his gun, Armin winced in fear.

  
"What's going on, what did I do?"

  
"Your turban needs to come with me for screening, it looks potentially dangerous." Said the man, eyeing Armin's head suspiscoulsy. He pointed a gun-hand at it,  
"Dont you make a fucking move!" he said to armin's hair.

"I'm not wearing a turban, this is my hair." Said Armin, feeling self-counscious as he petted his mop sadly, wondering if it was unfashional. The man stopped abruptly.

"Oh, my bad." he said and released armin, disappearing into a nearby crowd.

"What was that all about?" Questioned Levi, catching up to Armin.

"I think that man was racial." Sussed Armin, peeping over to the crowd trying to spot the man again. He was gone.  
Levi left Armin later to visit Mikasa and Eren at the hospital while Armin continued to explore the streets.  
He found that everyone 50% of the Americans were fat and the other half had guns instead of heads. Armin heard some shooting in the distance and ran to investigate.  
  
"What's going on!" He yelped out, rounding a corner into an alley, then he saw the happenings and gasped in shock.  
Before him stood a huge, fleshy gun with legs and small beady eyes, its pink, chubby body bursting out of a police uniform. Armin recoiled in disgust. 

"What's going on!" He repeated. The gun glanced at him tiredly.

"i thought I saw some bad people over there, but it turned out to be just black rubbish bags." Murmered the ghastly gun, gesturing towards some rubbish bags with bullet holes in them a little further down the alley. "Ah well, easy mistake." Armin nodded and they walked out of the alley onto the street.

"So what do you do?" Queeried Armin. The gun glanced shiftily at Armin's hair, clearly assessing it for hidden threats.

"I'm a hero." Replied the gun, still looking at Armin's hair. "I protect and serve. Without me around, I don't know what people here would do." The gun flexed the flesh of it's barrel, feeling triumphant. Armin tried to high-5 the gun, but it didn't have any hands so he just stood awkwardly with his hand in the air. The gun took his movement as a threat and cried out,

"Oh on you don't!" it screamed, spraying bullets that missed Armin and hit nearby passing background-characters who happened to be african-american.

"hey don't do that!" yelled armin. " I was trying to high-5 you! And you just killed some people! I can't believe you!" The gun looked at armin haughtiliy.

"I am the law. Nobody cares about them haha, no consequences for me!" it screeched, looking more phallic now that it had displayed its true power.

A crowd of protestors appeared across the street, with people demanding the gun apologise for what it had done to the black young boys. The black women the gun had shot weren't noticed by anyeone becuase femaleness is repulsive in every society. Boobs.

The gun didn't seem to hear the angry shouts of the protestors. Armin asked it if it would apologize. 

"nevaa! I keep da streetz safe!" cried out the gun, beginning to sweat and pinken, like a slug with mild sunburn. 

"They want guns banned" He told the gun, wondering if it would be offended.

"How dare they! Jesus is on our side, it's the right of da ppl to have guns! Protect and serve. It's what jesus would want!" scribbled the gun. Jesus appeared beside them.

"No it's not." Jesus said.

"Oh hi jesus," said Armin, blushing as he wondered whether jesus liked him. Jesus blushed too and they eyed eachother succulently.

"OH my GOD GET BACK EVERYONE!" Screamed the gun, noticing Jesus. "YOU godman terrorist!" It leapt ontop of jesus, beating him with its nose.

Donald trump appeared at the scene and began to work the shaft of the gun, murmuring sweet nothings to it. Trump licked the entrance to the guns barrel.

"Get him baby." Said Donald, sweetly - his money hands working faster and faster. 

"I am the lord Jeusus christ, your saviour! Get off me or i'm telling father!" yelled Jesus indignantly up at the two of them. Armin thrust his pelvis in religious agreeement.

"He's delusiional!" Yelled the gun. Other cops ran forward and handcuffed jesus, searching his things.

"He's got a bomb!" one yelled, brandishing a bible he'd pulled out of Jesus's purse.

"Tat's a bible!" Jesus crossed back. The police man opened it andn then gasped loudly, He threw the bible in the air and all the cops shot at it at least 100 times. It flapped to the floor, now truly holy. (A PUM!)

"He's written notes on the pages! defacing the word of god!" the cop wailed, going purple with rage

"I am the risen Christ!" Whined Jesus, his voice breaking. The gun eyed him beadily. "The notes was only constructive critism! I didn't say a lot of those things!"

"u ar not, jesus. He looked like Chris Hemsworth in thor, built and sexish. Blond hair. mmmmm." said the gun. Trump worked him faster and the gun ejaculated a spray of bullets into the croud of protestors. They screamed and the police yelled at them to calm down and stop rioting. The media reported the next day that the protestors attacked the police and had to be contained by arrest and murder.

The gun turned on to jesus. "Your coming with us --mpph!" the last of his words were cut off as Donald Trumps chode burst out of his pants and he shoved it into the guns entrance. his chode was as wide as a full grown pig and the length of a coke can. The gun drank deep, as nothing trumped Donald's milk.

Jesus regarded his jewish appearence and gave in, understanding their disbelif. HE was dragged 2jail, and not allowed 2call his dad. Armin was arrested too, but later released when his hair was discovered to be hair and not a turban.

 

Meanwhile, Levi stood over Eren's bedside, waiting for him to wake up. He smelt strongsly of drugs as he'd been smoking them in a cupboard with a cute nurce he'd just had panky with. Levi was guiltful over his sex, but he had been 2stressed about Ern to contain his manful urges.

he looked at the small homo on the bed and deciedded ern was beautiful, like a slowly decaying corpse on the beach, or a healthy poo. Levi siled. JUST THEN Jesus bust in2 the room, he was wearing burglur srtipes and looked SUSPICIOUS. He was wobbling

"Jesus u r 2 drunk, you need to calm down." said levi, standing warily of the drunking LUNATIC. Jesus laughed meanly.

"U R a betrayer! Armin and u LEFT ME with those cops! They nearli destroyed me! They wouldn't let me call daddy! They searched me inappropriatly. they said i was plotting 2KILL da presidant, i dnt even kno hu dat is! They ddin't belive me when i tod them i was the risen LORD." Jesus' eyes gleamed evilly "But NOW they are sorry!" Jesus cackled and lightning struck outside. There was blood in his mouth.

"Jesus what ar u talking about? r u okay??" 

"Im NOT OKAY!" SCEMEED Jesus madly. "This world is SICK! This is not the world i envisioned! I spent 2long hiding out in China in dark alleys with the ladyboys of kong, I had no idea of how ill the people have become. I have to pumish you all! PUnishment4 all eternity. The worst pumismnet i can think of!" He glared at Levi, then waved his hands and levi cried out as electric pain rifled through his body, then everything went black.

 

"LEvi?...Levi... Levi!!" A voice was calling out 2 him, he waved it away, annoyed. He was sleeping. "LEvi!" the voice grew more desperate and suddnely the room came into focus.

"Armin?" What was going on, armin looked different, and levil....he felt different. "what's going on Armin? What's happned 2me." Wondered levi, feeling a wave of emotions take over his mind and paralise him. Tears began to trickle down his face and he shocked. He didn't cry!

"Levi..." Armin looked afraid. "I need you to stay calm..."

"Fucking tell me, what happened!" LEfi's nerves were static through his whole bodi

"Jesus...turned us all into women." Said Armin sadly.

Levi looked down at his breasts and screamed. His world spinning out of focus as he tumbled back into the darkness.

 

To be continued...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my fic, i rely wish an english teacher would analeyes this becaues it's so full of euphamism and hiddenmeaning and is a very literal commentary on the current states of social attidutes. 
> 
> xo this book will be continued in part 3....how will everyone deal with the changes they're facing?? You'll have 2 find out.


End file.
